I'm jealous of your bromance
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
