Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
