so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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