Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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