My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
