if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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