I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
