I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
