im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
worst night to have a conscience
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
