Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
