guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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