I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
