TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
