omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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