I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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