I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
