Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
