i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
