remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
