The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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