like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
