im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
