i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
