My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
she looked like the before picture.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I'm both gender and math confused
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
