Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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