Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
