Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
