Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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