Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Randomize
