and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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