i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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