You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
