he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
