Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
