I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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