When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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