She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
