my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I didn't notice because vodka
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize