tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
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When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
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Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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