and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
