if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
