I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
