I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
