I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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