Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Im just a social blackout drinker.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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