I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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