They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
