Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
