well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
pop tarts are not kleenex
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
