Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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