I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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