I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
