Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
