he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
