They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
