ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
