I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
