O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
