you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
