we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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