How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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