I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
zippers are such a cool invention
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Someone signed my nipple.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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