so explain again why im purple
no
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
