My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Holy sore nipples Batman
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
