remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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