thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
