twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
