Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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