We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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