im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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