Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
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